What I Learned From Ruthi About Hugs

 
I was reminded last night by someone with whom I'm recently sprouting a new friendship what a genuine hug is all about. I haven't met too many people who know how to give a proper hug.  But when I do, it always reminds me of Ruthi.

After my BFF (best female friend) Ruthi died unexpectedly in 1998, I made a promise to her and to myself to pass along her greatest legacy.

Ruthi was known for her exceptionally warm, wonderful and therapeutic hugs. I've thought a lot about what made her hugs so special, what I miss about hers, and what I remember:

1. Hug with all your might, all your soul, and all your body.

2. Offer a sustained hug, till the object of your hug squirms away...that way they'll know you really meant it.

3. A good, long hug is enough. But sometimes, Ruthi would gently rub her hand back and forth across your shoulders. Never a pat, just a rub.

4. A good hug doesn't require any spoken words. The hug says it all.

5. Ruthi's best hug was given at eye level. Being shorter, she launched her #1, A+ hugs from a step above me. I'll launch mine a step lower, or higher, if needed.

6. Ruthi's best hugs also came when I least expected them, and when I didn't even realize how much I needed one. I'll pass out hugs freely, but with warmth and meaning.

7. Chickens don't hug...don't be a chicken. You have to work at not being a chicken.

8. A contented "sigh" accompanied each of Ruthi's hugs.

9. If in Ruthi's judgment you squirmed away too soon, she'd hold a little tighter and say, "Unh uh, we're not done yet!"

10. Ruthi's hugs were always invitational, but never optional. She'd open her arms in your direction and guide you in with a small wave of her hand and a short command, "Come on."